Conscious Life

A Blog on Personal Development for Awaken(ed/ing) Souls – by Tim Stanek

Category: Spirituality

Bigger Than The Bear

Staying Small

Why do we stay small? I’m not talking about physical stature. I’m talking about how we some people show up in the world. It’s easy to get locked into one pattern of behavior or the other, whether dominant or submissive. But outside this polarity, I believe there exists an intrinsic quality that is often overlooked: Willpower.
Domination and submission are very common qualities in all human relationships. I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with this dynamic. It doesn’t have to be sexual either (Although it can be 😉 ). I think it’s a natural dynamic that has arisen out of years of humanity needing dominant leaders to survive.

But what about love? What about cooperation? To be sure, the principles of cooperation, understanding, and compassion are all incredibly important in any kind of relationship. Empathy, the ability to feel others’ feelings, helps you to understand the emotional consequences of your actions in the lives of others.

But what does this have to do with staying small?

Personal willpower is domination of your inner demons. Other people’s inner demons respond when confronted with your will power. By inner demons I’m referring to fear, jealousy, low self worth, toxic shame, negative thinking, etc. If you have mastered these valid aspects of yourself then other people will sense it in you.

But first they will likely challenge you, in which case, you must make yourself bigger than the bear.

Bigger Than The Bear

I have a friend who trains martial arts, and I recently had the rare opportunity to learn from him (he NEVER does this, so I need to emphasize how grateful I am that he shared with me some of his philosphy!)
Of the lessons that he taught me, one that has stuck with me came out of this situation:

We were playing around, not quite sparring, but playing around, and I fell into some familiar patterns of martial movement based on my Capoiera training. When he advanced on me in an attack, I immediately fell to the ground into my familiar floorwork. Because I hadn’t trained in a while, my floor game wasn’t sufficient to defend against my friends attacks. He just had this dominant energy that I didn’t know how to approach. If we were actually fighting, I would have been toast.

I became frustrated and finally asked for some help.

He compassionately instructed me to imagine I was in the woods, perhaps camping alone, and I happen upon a bear. An angry bear – a hungry bear.

“You have to make yourself bigger than the bear.” he said.

I placed my hands up in the air, imagined seeing a bear in the woods, and I felt incredibly awkward. I’m sure I looked like I was trying to flag down UFOs for a sparkle pony lazer party.

But he continued: “No, you have to make your ENERGY bigger than the bear”.

That’s when it clicked.

Anyone in my life who has ever pushed me around (and, admittedly, it’s been quite a few), has always been bigger than me. Not in physical stature, although that has sometimes been the case, but in ENERGY. I imagined my ENERGY as bigger than the bear.
In my codependent family, I had to make myself small to survive. I was bear food. But this energetic pattern of behavior is not helping me in situations now, where, as an adult, I am confronted with angry/hungry bearish behavior in others.

Putting it to the Test

Shortly after my impromptu martial arts class I was in a situation where someone was verbally abusing me – calling me names, trolling me. I was with a female friend. I remembered my training and instead of making myself smaller, instead of reacting with more verbal abuse, I just stared at this person and made my energy bigger than the bear. Everyone in the room felt the shift. My female friend grabbed me by the arm as if to say “he’s not worth it” – like she was restraining me or holding me back from a fight. I wasn’t looking for a fight but at the same time I wasn’t going to let this person abuse me anymore. I imagined this person as a bear and I made my energy bigger than him, bigger than any name calling he was throwing at me. With that energetic shift I was able to cause the bear to back down without a single word or fist. The abuser ended up apologizing afterwards.

After this experience I’ve been reflecting on how, without realising it, most of my life I’ve made myself smaller than the bear because I knew no other way of being.

What are some examples of bears in your life? Try to come up with a few examples and imagine making your energy bigger than the bear. It’s the only way to stop it from eating you! Your life is important, and valuable. Don’t let these bears devour you.

College was a bear for me. Some musical relationships were bears. My parents and siblings were, for the most part; bears. This isn’t to shame or blame them – most people don’t realize when they act out the basic human traits of domination. But what sucks is that a lot of the time this imposition of bearishness can squelch the redeeming qualities of love and compassion and dignity and respect.

But I believe, firmly, that by adopting the practice of making oneself bigger than the bear, that we can teach other human beings – on a cellular level, which is really an energetic level – that we are not to be dominated. (again, this isn’t in the sexual context, you kinky lovers).

If we become the dominant beings we have a choice, and, imho, a responsibility to be compassionately dominant. I choose to use my will to teach others, to trust others and earn their trust in me. I want to lead, if not for the sole reason that I’ve allowed myself – based on past “small Tim” conditioning – to fall victim to the inept leadership of incompetent people.

And you know, it’s almost as if, by asserting ourselves as being bigger than the bear, that whole Domination/Submission dynamic has the opportunity to eat itself by the the tail and totally dissolve itself – which, to some, is terrifying because it is their entire view of reality – but, I would put forth, confidently, that there exists a world outside of this dynamic in human relationships: one of mutual cooperation, negotiation, respect, and reason; and that when the bear is conquered there must exist something else, and we, as conscious beings, have the choice and the duty to perpetuate these principles in our own lives, and in the lives of others with whom we share influence.

Let’s become bigger than the bears, and let’s let the bears see our soft courage and our open hearts, and perhaps, too, these bears will become human again.

Peace and goodwill.

Tim

The Rules of The Game Blogpost

The rules of the game
This life is a game. We can laugh and play, and there may or may not be a point, depending on how you play. We are all from divinity, a whole, conscious entity of some sort. In this phase of the evolution of divinity, divinity has deemed it integral to place pieces of itself within each one of us. This is true creative potential, and we may use it however we choose.

It is up to us, however, to also figure out what the rules are! So what are the rules?
Depending on what your world view is, you may have different answers. The ten commandments, the laws of the Torah, different spiritual principles, etc. But since you’re reading my blog post, you’re probably already an open minded person (or you haven’t found my left field stuff yet – keep looking 😉 ) and relate more to the “spiritual but not religious” approach.

I know I do.
But spirituality isn’t a goal that is achieved – it is consciousness, in this moment, right now, and this consciousness is spirituality itself. There are many traditions of spiritual practices that are performed as a way of life, and many people confuse spirituality with spiritual practices. Both are valid, but this distinction must be recognized.

Spirituality is a state of being, of connection, of oneness. Union.
Spiritual practices are culturally and sociologically influenced practices surrounding spirituality, the most effective among them creating space for awareness of spirituality to occur.
Are you awakened to your true spiritual nature?
Many people go through their lives without questioning anything. Are they wrong? It’s not up to me to say. Sometimes I envy such a person because it seems like, from the outside, that their life is easier than mine. But I have to question; I question everything. Why? Because from an early age, my experience of reality was different from the one that my environmentally imposed religious practices suggested.

For example: I had a lucid dream at the age of 4, and I knew that it was different from a regular dream. This dream was terribly frightening to me, and that fear brought me to what some might call the astral plane: I had an out of body experience (OBE). My parents could not or did not want to explain this to me. My environmentally imposed religion suggested that such things happened, but only in stories; so my reality changed. I had this experience that was quite mystical to me – even at a very young age – and I had these messages coming in about life that seemed in congruent with my experience of reality.

I began to question! I questioned my parents; whom, in my innocence, I revered like gods. I asked them my existential questions of the nature of the universe and was met with confusing responses, often insinuating that I shouldn’t question things in the first place. This created instances of imposing their beliefs onto me, or, in the worst cases, breaking my will. I am grateful now that I was a stubborn and while, yes, my will was broken many times, I’ve still retained the value of the experiencing the truth of my own experience.
You may have had a similar experience – you have a mystical awakening somehow, whether through dreams, creativity, yoga, with a lover, at a music festival, etc, and you need to tell someone. While those around you may support you and encourage you, if the haven’t had a similar experience to what you are describing, they can’t validate it for you. So, you need to seek out those who have, indeed, had similar experiences.
Awakening to your true spiritual nature.
Spiritual awakenings are commonplace these days, yet that doesn’t negate the amazing power they posses to impact and drastically change ones life.
So, now that you are awaken(ed/ing) to your true spiritual nature, what do you do? “Now that you’ve found out who you are, what do you want to be?” *
This isn’t up to me to answer, but I can give some suggestions for what to do after you’ve had a spiritual awakening, most of this based on my own life experience.

Heal – If you’re like me, it’s likely that, due to circumstances beyond your control, you have been placed in trying situations from which is seems difficult to escape. My family life was like that – so many cords of codependency pulling at me (in total fairness, I was co dependently pulling at them as well – that’s how it works!). It was such a journey to save up enough to move out of that environment. Once I did, I realized that I needed to heal many untouched patterns of behavior that were doing me more harm than good. I made space in my life to heal. So make space in your life for you to heal! Do yoga, meditate, clean up your diet, exercise more, build your support network, and educate yourself on how to change behavioral patterns. Its fascinating stuff! If you’re having a tough time, hire a coach to help you out. I’m considering creating a course or mentorship program in which I can help people do just that. (let me know in the comments if you are interested).
Regroup – After you’ve gone through the bulk of your healing, it’s time to regroup. It’s a funny way of describing it, but regrouping is like reevaluating. Healing will put you in contact with your heart, and your heart can often tell you where you need to go, if you know how to listen. Your heart has a wisdom of its own. For me, it was writing an inspiring work of fiction that’s enjoyable, fun, funny, that also includes lessons in lucid dreaming and spiritual growth and development. The re-grouping phase is a time to set new intentions based on what you learned in your healing.

Refresh – experience the joy and beauty of being an entirely new person based on your growth and development!

Teach – now it’s time to level up – you need to teach what you know, or chronicle it, or journal it somehow. I truly believe that spiritual lessons are made more valuable once we teach them. This could be a mystical process, or a marketing process. In my case, I’m looking for a way to combine both so that I can reach more people with my message.

Combined approach
These lessons can come one after another, sequentially, or it can be a grab-bag. I think that how I prefer to ingest them has a bit to do with the order in which they arrive, yet it seems that often they’ll surprise me. There’s no telling what the future holds, but I know and trust that that I put into it is what I will get out of it.

I will invest in myself and in growing my soul for the divine benefit of all humanity. That’s my tip for today.

Love, Tim

P.S. Comment! Let me know what you think, how you are doing, and what you ate for breakfast. I had a smoothie 🙂
* quote a song by a group that ushered in a new age of spiritual practices to the world back in the 60s, The Beatles.

© Tim Stanek 2016. All Rights Reserved.

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