Damn. Damn it. I am procrastinating. My yoga class is in 10 minutes and I’m starting my blog post. I’ll only get about 3 minutes worth of info out right now. I’m also eating sugar and drinking coffee. I am tremulous.
Hopefully my hour of upcoming yoga will help chill me out. It’s 3:50 pm, and I slept in until 10:40am today.
Why? Because I charged myself up last night to get some music production work done after midnight, which took out until 2:00am. Then, I took an hour to cool my creative jets, deep breathing and imagining all my creative energy grounding into the earth.
>I got some good work done, but because of my scheduling choices, I missed my beloved morning yoga. Comparing yesterday (Day 6) with today (Day 7) I can say definitively that I prefer the hour of yoga to occur in the morning. Ok, I need to get to my class.
UPDATE: Now out of Yoga, feeling better. I got some biking in, but am noticing how different the dynamic of biking around is compared to driving. Because it’s nearly 100 degrees heat index here in Memphis TN, I get hella sweaty. I love being able to bike places though, so maybe I’ll try out a bikrim class, bring a change of clothes, and shower afterwards. The only thing is that Bikrim classes are either super early, or right in the middle of the day!
Let’s get a level check:
P – 7
M – 5
E – 5
S – 3
My physical levels are good – I feel adequately healthy. Mentally, a bit unfocused, and a little dazed. It seems like the changes that I feel occurring in the very core of my being are propelling a disorienting haze around my entire self. This is an example of cognitive dissonance. The most notable cognitive dissonance that I am experiencing is that which occurs at the very moment when I question the toxic shame paradigms with direct action to the contrary. Such as expressing interest in someone attractive, or expressing myself or asserting myself or being seen. Toxic shame creates an inflexible paradigm where one is ashamed of being seen, of being themselves. The more and more I choose to show up as myself the more the old, ineffective paradigm comes into question. It’s like an old, dead tooth that needs to break off the gums for the new one to come in. The two cannot exist in the same space, thus we get cognitive dissonance.
But the more you can stay in a place of cognitive dissonance, respectfully, fully embracing the paradoxical identity of existing in both states at the same time, the more we can sort of suspend time and make a choice,. We can slow down our experience like Neo in the Matrix picking bullets out of thin air. We can suspend our disbeleif in ourselves and make a more conscious choice. I choose to show up in the world as myself, as the entirety of myself, limitless, crystalized by choice.
Dealing with Cognitive Dissonance
So how am I dealing with this? Honestly. Honestly, honestly, I can’t legally say here, but I may or may not be allegedly using cannabis, and coffee. Really, I know there are other ways of dealing with it. Cannabis after midnight as creative catalyst could theoretically keep someone up until 3am, which would, in turn lead them to sleep in quite late, missing their beloved morning yoga.
Other ways of dealing with Cognitive Dissonance
You don’t. It is there, and you must accept it, if it is. I feel that it is far more productive, though, to outline the best ways not to deal with cognitive dissonance.
1) Do not deny it
2) Understand that how you feel now is temporary.
3) Trust that it will pass.
4) If you need, fall into one of your habitual self-comforting routines (it may or may not be cannabis, or coffee)
Once you get back to a place where you feel a baseline level of familiarity – comfort – equilibrium – then it’s time to start building new energy. Imagine what life will be like as the new you. Feel with your heart, and let your heart speak to you. You are amazing – a child of divinity, and you have every right to break out of your self-limiting beliefs.
I don’t want to get preachy without backing up what I preach with hard evidence, so I’ll leave it at that.
I’m not really trying to prove anything here, other than the fact that daily yoga is beneficial.
Other than that, I hope that my honesty and clarity is beneficial for you. Let me know what you think, if there is anything yo’d like to see, and tell me something interesting about yourself.