I’ve played music all my life, with many fantastic musicians. One of them, Daniel McKee, bass player of the STAX-signed group Southern Avenue used to use the phrase “Ducks in a row” all the time. I played in several projects with him, including Jazz-Funk exploration K.D. Pickles, and the second incarnation of my childhood Jam-band Copper Possum. It was through him that I learned the importance of having one’s ducks in a row.

Here’s why: having one’s ducks in a row is an important thing for a musician, because over the course of a gig the ducks usually fly off in random, infinite corkscrews of total inter-dimensional musical ecstasy. It is up to the musician, therefore, to herd the flock of ducks back into some manageable compendium.

Recently the phrase has come up in several conversations, so let’s explore a little, shall we?

Orbital Resonance and Ducks

So what is orbital resonance, and what does it have to do with ducks?

Orbital resonance has to do with the effect that two orbiting bodies have on each other as they pass in close proximity. If the moons of Saturn, for example, get close to each other in their orbital path around the planet, they exhibit an attraction. (For a more scientific definition, click here)

I use orbital resonance in personal development as a way of more easily conceptualizing an interesting phenomenon of growth. I believe that one of the biggest traps of personal development is either/or thinking. 

The Trap of Either/Or Thinking
In personal development, either/or thinking can lead to stagnation. It is the paradigm that, in pursuing any goal or transformation, you either are or you ain’t.

Take, for example, the goal of having an awesome dating life (a personal goal of mine).
I fell into the trap for many years of thinking that I either had an awesome dating life or I didn’t. This trap of either/or thinking was difficult to get out of when things weren’t so hot with the ladies et al. As someone who was used to the feeling of depression (who also lacked, at the time, the skills required to pull myself out of the rut of said depression), whenever I thought about my goal of having an awesome dating life I would look at my situation first, and base my further decisions off the reality of my current situation.

In other words, I would look at the lack of dating in my life at the time and base my vision of possible futures on my current reality.

Big mistake. Common mistake! In fact, I would venture an assumption that most people do this: let our current reality limit our future. It keeps us safe and comfortable! But the thing is, that’s not what we’re here for! We are here to grow. Growth is a natural part of being human.

But I started getting dates. How did this happen? A couple factors have helped.

1) I started talking honestly with my friends who were having dating success, approaching them from a state of honest asking and receiving advice. I didn’t let my insecurity at the time overshadow my ability to take in information and advice. I let the ideas process. Because I grew up expressly not allowed to date anyone, the baseline paradigm that I had to work through was that dating – expressing interest – cuddling – innocent sex play – was wrong. Surrounding myself with people who expressed the exact opposite idea help me to better embody the reality I wanted.

2) Seek expert advice. I read several blogpost about the approach to dating that seems most ethical, fun, and conscious, what I would call conscious polyamory. I’ve been able to express interest in potential partners, set up dates, be totally honest and transparent  about how I’m dating other people, and if the desire to deepen the connection is mutual, pursue it further. I wouldn’t have been able to do this if I hadn’t read successful accounts of implementing this dating model.

3) I believe in orbital resonance. I started thinking of dates, connections, relationship as circular phenomenon, not linear phenomenon. An example of linear dating is date, date, date, sex, dates, committing to monogamy, co-habitation, engagement, marriage. There is nothing wrong with this. I just don’t want to impose a linear path to my dating because it feels restricting at this time in my life. I’m exploring what I want freely and openly.

The concept of orbital resonance is an interesting one when applied to dating. For example, am I envisioning my dates and potential partners as planets, with me as the center? Yes. Yes I am. But I am not opposed to orbiting around someone else’s center of gravity. So perhaps this metaphor could be extended to include a sort of spiraling dance. If you think about it, the sun is not a fixed point in the sky anyways – it, and our entire solar system, is spiraling through the universe at an incredible pace. In such a way, I am not the center of the universe, yet I can still enjoy benefiting those I love with a gravitational pull, enjoying mutual orbital resonance.

Questions?

What are your questions about this dating model? It seems quite comfortable for me because I’ve had a lot of time to get used to the idea. Putting it into practice is a constant challenge initially, but it’s grown me s00000 much. Honesty, integrity, transparency, fun, play;  these are my guiding principles.

What is your approach? Unless you choose, someone else will choose for you. I believe that monogamy is fantastic if it is a conscious choice. It also happens to be a widespread societal default which many people, myself included, participate in without thinking.

I just want to make my choices conscious. I want my entire life to be a choice of happiness, joy, creativity, fulfillment, connection, and spiritual ecstasy. I want to live every moment of my life as if I’d chosen it. This means if something is wack, I leave or change it. If something is great, I perpetuate it!

The Yoga Aspect
Ok! I’ve gotten through the crux of my blog ideas today without even talking about yoga! This is, after all, the 21-Day Yoga Challenge.

I’ve completed 7 days of the 21-day yoga challenge. I’m 1/3 of the way there. Sometimes it’s frustrating to commit to a practice that may seem repetitive or tough especially if there’s something else you’d rather be doing (like hanging out with a gorgeous woman!)

What I’ve found, especially after 7 days, is that I feel like I’ve completed some sort of a circuit. I’ve let my commitment to the yoga practice change me.

P – 8
M – 7
E – 7
S – 10

As you can see, my physical, mental, emotional, and energetic (spiritual) metrics are all up! I can definitely thank commitment to regular yoga for these metrics. It’s not like this all the time, but this is my highest overall rating thus far. After only a week, I’m super grateful for this transformation!!!

I did Sloan Lusk’s class at Elements again this morning (9am – woo hoo!).
She went a little easier on us compared to last week’s class. I ended up feeling refreshed and energized. I also got to speak with her some after class – such a cool and present woman. Her adjustments were out of this world.

This transformation may simply be a point of orbital resonance though. I may have some down days over the next week. It’s normal. I promise not to cling to these results, but simply to enjoy them as they linger.

My intention is to embrace each sector of orbit as if I had chosen it.

Moving forward, I look forward to experiencing the higher harmonic of each sector of orbital resonance. What I mean by this is simply to compare one week to another, as a way of measuring progress.

But “experiencing the higher harmonic of each sector of orbital resonance” sounds way cooler.

until next time, much love errrbody!