Wow.
WOW.

That was an incredible Yin yoga class at Midtown Yoga! Christy Washington, you take the cake! You are a wonderful restorative yoga teacher. So much shifted internally for me to day. If you’re reading this; thank you.

Yin – For those that don’t know, yin yoga is a restorative practice, focusing on relaxing the muscles through deep breathing and easy, generally static postures. It’s opposite – the Yang practice – is the more sweat-inducing of the two, dipping into cardio conditioning. The Vinyasa class that I took on day 1 is a Yang practice, and it perhaps seemed a bit “much” for me because most of my self-practice over the past year has been solely restorative Yin to balance out the Yang polarity of my muscle building weight routines.

Christy guided the class through simple, accessible postures accompanied by deep breathing.

It all shifted for me when I put the bolster behind my back for an assisted supine chest opener. I felt the muscles of my back release and tremble, like they were finally awake from an eon’s slumber. I was flooded with emotion, and the realization that much of my life my heart has been blocked – in the back – to truly receiving love! It’s a simple realization, with huge implications.

This is deep stuff! Allow me to shed some light. NOTE: I like to dive deep into self understanding, so fair warning, much of the rest of the post gets into archetypes and dysfunctional family information. If you’d rather skip to the Recap, just scroll down.

The Deep Dive

I made the (erroneous) assertion at a very young age that there was a lack of love. This is a natural assumption for a child in a dysfunctional family to have. My parents had their own issues to learn about, many of which happened to surface when they had kids (correlation?). In a dysfunctional family, the parents are often living out their own lessons and dramas that take most of their attention. As a result, the children often bear the brunt of the parents’ unresolved issues. If you’re in a dysfunctional family, or think you might have been at one point, congratulations. The first step is awareness. Once you are aware of a problem, you can work towards resolution.

In my case, my problem was I thought there was a lack of love. In a world where there is love all around (literally – everything is consciousness and consciousness is an aspect of love) –  believing you are not worthy of love because there ONCE was not enough in your world is ultimately just an expression of fear. In this case one would be looking through the shaded window of a past experience. But fear is an aspect of love. Anything you can possibly imagine is an aspect of love, because love knows no bounds. In this way, my childhood assertion that I wasn’t worthy of love was a gift (a behemoth of a gift, but a gift nonetheless), in that it has guided me – by diametric opposition – to the realization that I AM love, and that love is all around! There is nothing that isn’t love.

But for years, I didn’t know this. I tried to change myself. I tried to become less, or become more, because there was a belief in me that  I wasn’t already enough – that who I was wasn’t good enough.

What I realized today, as I was floating above my body in savasana, is that we are infinite miracles tapped into a source of infinite creativity – our creative self-expression. I realized, specifically, that I will unite all my loves together into one cohesive whole. These loves, once fragmented, now united, will become the entirety of me! What I mean by this is, all my different hobbies, projects – LOVES – will come together! I was disjointed, I was broken, I was struggling t0 make sense out of seemingly disparate identities. They will come together. I don’t think I can explain any further right now, honestly, because it’s so fresh. I want the lesson to sink in and assimilate before I explain further.

What I can only say is that I found my unique expression, and it rocks.

How did this happen?

I set the intention before the class to generate/manifest/pray-for increases in physical health, mental focus, emotional equilibrium, and spiritual connection. I finally had a moment – during one of the yin poses – where I heard my inner monologue state, clearly, as if I had nothing to do with it: “I feel amazing”. I saw myself say this – feel this – and I smiled. So physically, that’s a big increase. I predicted that I would have more moments like this, and it happened! Great results. Mentally, I was still a bit foggy, as I had to temporarily suspend mental functioning until I truly got the emotion out (through surrendering to it, and feeling it). Emotionally, I cried, and to me this is a good sign and a positive result. It’s in direct line with my intention to up my emotional equilibrium. Any time I feel what I’m feeling in the moment – without stuffing or distracting away from it – is a positive moment of self-growth for me.

Spiritually, I wasn’t very aware of the “spiritual dimension”, unless coming from the heart and opening up to deep healing and emotional release is a spiritual thing. (It is).

My results after the Yin class are as follows:
P – 7
M – 4
E – 7
S – ? or everything

So, overall, I’m all about this Yin practice. I think once a week will be fine, starting out. Who knows, I may want to increase that number.

Recap 
I’m very pleased with the last three days of the 21-Day Yoga Challenge. It appears that I’ve had a good balance of polarities: the “Yang” Vinyasa, the balanced easy flow, and the “Yin” restorative yoga. These polarities exist in all things, until they don’t.